Apologies for the lack of entries and commenting. Lately, I've been paranoid that I'm not as well-liked as I'd hoped, to the extreme in some cases. Tonight I could use some advice.
Recently, my girlfriend has sort of...been ignoring me. That's not quite the right phrase, but I digress. I'll say something to her and she won't say anything for at least a few days. When she does, though, it's really sweet and romantic. Keep in mind that we're in an online relationship, it's difficult for us to talk on the phone, and we haven't seen each other, as my parents don't like that we're dating and her mom doesn't know. Anyway. Also, she posted a blog yesterday about people who she cares about, but they care more about her than she does them. I'm very confused and I don't know how to go about addressing this. I really care about her and don't want to end it over something that hopefull can be easily fixed. Guh. I don't mean to ramble. Help?
Anybody else here a choir geek?
Ugh, I love music and I LOVE singing, but seriously. Our choir is so bad. The only reason the majority of them are there is to get out of taking music and art appreciation. And our altos cannot sing, nor do they have any rhythm. To make matters worse, our choir director barely helps them. She goes through it with them once and that's like, it. Sometimes she sings with them, but not when we're performing, which is bad. No one gives a shit about any of it. And there's these two girls...one of them has a really good voice and the other sucks, but they both have HUGE egos and holier-than-thou attitudes like none other. It fucking pisses me off. Stop acting like you know everything and are the greatest singers ever, and therefore everyone else should be talked down to and treated like we're mentally incompetent. What the hell.
Speaking of egos. Our director has a really big ego. She graduated from a university that has one of the best music departments in the state, she received an A+ on diction in every language she took, which is all of them, and she talks about it all the fucking time.
It makes me cry.
I am so sad. Conservative Christianity makes me sad. I don't understand how someone could love Jesus - someone who loved everyone, regardless of what they did or who they were - and yet be so hateful toward others. I'm afraid to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to go somewhere that I know I'll be looked down upon fo loving Jesus and other women at the same time. Religion class gives me panic attacks. What's the point of religion class? I understand that it is required in a Catholic school. What I don't understand is why we are so fixated on bashing other Christian religions and homosexuals. I'm not exaggerating here - that's what we do. Apparently, bashing others for not being "true" Christians and not following Jesus' teachings is more important than Jesus' teachings themselves. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love others as he has loved us.
What's wrong with this picture?
I can't take it anymore. I can't face them.
I feel the need to write. Anybody wanna give me some ideas?
I do not want my dream to be a writer to phail.
Wanna know what I'm doing right now? Course you do.
I'm sitting in the living room, on this computer, listening to my dad snore. I left my mom and the dog downstairs, passed out, after I finished The Office.
I am seventeen. I should be out, celebrating the new year with my friends, if I had them. Instead, I'm at home, on the computer like I always am, listening to my parents sleep. There's still an hour and a half left.
I'm pissed off.
Happy fucking new year everybody.
Here in these deep city lights, girl could get lost tonight. I'm finding every reason to be gone. There's nothing here to hold on to.
This song...I want to cry.
I feel so lost. All of a sudden, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Just a few weeks ago, I'd had it all figured out. Go to college, major in English, pop out a few bestsellers. Then I talked to our choir accompanist [who is much more laid-back, not to mention more talented, than our choir director...], and she made me realize that my mother was wrong - majoring in music wasn't just a dream, and I wouldn't be wasting my time, her money, and my life. I figured I could always double major. Great. Lovely. Wonderful.
Well. I haven't written anything in three years. I'm not sure if writing is my passion. I have the talent, but ever since I've been on medication and my depression has gotten better, my creativity has gone out the window. Music is my passion now. But. There are two problems. My singing talent is decent at best, if that. It's certainly not American Idol-worthy, as if that matters. I've never had a voice lesson in my life. I'm self-taught on the piano. My grandfather was an accomplished self-taught pianist. That I can do...if I didn't have this disability. I'm basically a one-handed pianist. Even if I were accomplished, there's not much I could do with just that that I would enjoy. I feel like when I go to college I'll be wasting their money.
I hate not having a plan.
I hate medication.
Guh, somebody hug me.
Because everyone else is doing it...here's what I got for Christmas.
- 80 GB Macbook
- Jeff Dunham tickets
- various board games
- Guitar Hero III
That's all I can remember, aside from the fact that my M key is not working...
I took my conceptual physics exam today. Eighty minutes of hell.
Pretty sure I PHAILED.
I'm going to be an English major. I do not do science.
The good news is, I only have two exams tomorrow and then Christmas vacation is here. Yay. I'm so excited and I could not be more than ready. Bring it on.
So apparently one can get to the Wikipedia article on Jesus in five clicks or less. You go to Wikipedia, and click on random entry. From there, you try to get to the article on Jesus in five clicks. I did it in four.
Random entry - John Wheatcroft >> Temple University >> Tennessee Temple University >> Christianity >> Jesus
Yay. Try it if you're bored.
Christmas ETA: ten days, two hours, thirteen minutes.